Say You'll Never Love Me Page 5

  “We’ve given it six months.” He threaded fingers through his hair. Better to spit it out and be done. “I’m not in love with you. And why stay in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere?”

  Her breath hitched. For a moment, he weakened and wanted to offer comfort, but she’d take it the wrong way. He couldn’t risk it.

  She steepled her hands as if praying. “I understand what you’re saying, but if there’s no one else in the picture . . .”

  “Stop. I’m not willing to do that. It isn’t fair.” He almost apologized, but stopped himself, and added steel to voice. “Beth, it’s over. We’re over.”

  She kept silent as if waiting for him to take it all back. Then she wiped at her face, rose, walked to the doorway and faced him again. “Promise me you’ll think about it. Please?”

  “No.”

  She choked back a sob, stumbled. He thought she might fall, but steadied herself against the wall, and disappeared into the hallway.

  He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling, unclear about what was happening. He’d been verbally abusive with Julie, brutally honest with Beth, and lied to Raynie. Damn, talk about women trouble, he’d never had so much.

  Bad habits are like a comfortable bed, easy to get into, but hard to get out of.

  ~~Proverb quote

  SILBIE LOOKED SO PEACEFUL, her sweet face as beautiful as an angel. Raynie hated to wake her. The biggest surprise was how quickly she’d warmed up to the little girl. She thought any maternal instincts disappeared years ago with her miscarriage.

  A tear dropped onto her shirt, and once again, she didn’t understand what brought them on. Since coming to Lubbock, she’d turned into a crybaby. Homesick and already counting the days until she could leave this dreadful city and return to Austin.

  Well, it wasn’t all bad. Along with her niece and Mr. Remmus, meeting easy-on-the-eyes, Father Jared was the third bright spot in her life. A sunshine trifecta. Yep, that’s what she had. The padre’s words encouraged her and if she continued to meet with him, maybe she’d get control of the crying.

  She brushed a strand of hair from Silbie’s cheek and planted kisses across her forehead. “Wake up, sweet girl. It’s a school day.”

  Her eyes fluttered open for a second, then closed again. “Five more minutes.”

  “I’ve already let you sleep longer than usual. Hop up. I’ll scramble you an egg. You want bacon?”

  “Give me a piggyback ride.”

  Raynie smiled. She’d never had that request, but she twisted around for her rider to mount, then took off in a gallop with Silbie giggling all the way. She deposited her passenger onto a stool then beelined to the fridge.

  “Why does my room feel like Antarctica and in here it’s like Hawaii?”

  Thanks to the geography books she used to keep up with the grandparents travels, the kid asked questions beyond her years. “The cooling vents are closed in here. Why, are you hot?”

  “No. I’m okay. But I’m cold in my room.”

  “If you’ll sleep with the door open, it won’t get that way.” The frying pan clinked as Raynie set it on the burner. “I signed the form for you to attend the lock-in on Friday night.”

  Silbie bounced in her seat. “We’re gonna watch a movie and play outside and do karaoke.”

  “Do you plan to sing?” Raynie cracked an egg into a bowl and stirred, one of her few specialties including sandwiches, frozen dinners, and takeout. Thankfully, Silbie wasn’t picky.

  “Yep. Katie and me.” She slipped off the stool and shed her pajamas.

  “What song?” Raynie wrapped two strips of bacon in a paper towel and put them in the microwave. She might suck at cooking, but she excelled at nuking.

  “Love Story.”

  “Who sings that?”

  Silbie pulled on a bright red shirt emblazoned with a glittery unicorn. “Duh. Taylor Swift.”

  “Oh yeah. The one about Romeo and Juliet.”

  “Yep.”

  Eggs sizzled in the pan. “I bet you do great.”

  “They’re going to video it and sell copies.”

  The timer beeped. Raynie dumped eggs, bacon and toast onto a polka-dotted plate, added a glass of juice and delivered the grub like a short order cook. “I should buy you and your friend special princess dresses.”

  “No. My teacher says we should wear play clothes we can sleep in, so we don’t have to change.”

  “Okay. What about matching pajamas?”

  “Not alike. I want to be Cinderella. Katie likes Snow White. That’s her favorite. Who would you want to be?”

  She should warn her what a sham fairytales were and there was no happily-ever-after, but the kid would find out soon enough. “Well, I’m not into the whole royalty thing, but if I had to choose . . .” Raynie put her thumb under her chin and tapped a finger against her lips. “Mmm, let me think. Oh. I’d be Tiana, from the Princess and the Frog. She’s a strong, independent woman.”

  Silbie bent over laughing. “You’re silly! She wants to open a restaurant and you can’t cook!”

  Raynie frowned. No argument there, but with her new assignment, she should try to broaden her culinary horizons. “Oh, yeah. Now I remember. But it’s a story, so we can pretend I know how.”

  Silbie scooted her dish away. “All done.”

  “Okay. You finish getting dressed and I’ll make your lunch.” She smiled. Another dish she’d mastered. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Yeah. And her microwave mac and cheese was to die for.

  By the time Raynie dropped Silbie off and returned home, it was eight-thirty. If things went well, she’d finish packing Celeste’s clothes and shoes today. As Greta pointed out, sunlight filtered into the kitchen and washed everything in a cheery glow. Raynie splashed coffee into a smiley face mug. Her third cup.

  She stuck two slices of bread in the toaster. Once done, she topped them with her favorite recipe. Calling butter, honey, and a sprinkle of cinnamon a recipe was a stretch, but it did require mixing, so she’d go with it. She scarfed them down, drained her cup, and got to work.

  Two times last week, the realtor left a card on the counter, but still no offer. At least people were looking. She’d instructed them to only bring possible buyers during school hours to avoid Silbie, and the child had not noticed the key box clipped to the hanging basket of fern. Raynie figured the fewer questions, the better, that’s why she’d insisted no sign in the yard.

  Her ears perked at his familiar shuffle even before he rang the bell, so she placed the box on the table, and rushed to greet her regular visitor. Mr. Remmus, wearing a plaid bathrobe, black knee- high socks, and brown house shoes, stood on the porch. A white curl of smoke rose from the cigar clamped between his teeth. She loved the smell of the tobacco.

  “Morning, Raynie.”

  “Good morning. Too early for your bourbon run, so how may I help you?”

  He pulled a measuring cup from his pocket. “I’ll be back later for the whiskey. I need milk for my oatmeal.”

  “Come in.” He made himself at home while Raynie got the milk. As crazy as it was, she looked forward to the old gent’s visits. Maybe because she never knew her grandfathers and he filled that void. Both of hers had died young, but spending time with her neighbor had made her realize how important they were. Patient. Funny. Wise. She was glad Silbie still had both sets.

  “Yesterday, I had lunch with a minister I met in the parking lot at the Episcopal Church. And after talking with him, I feel better.” For the next ten minutes, she gave him the details, but didn’t mention the padre’s great ass or killer dimples.

  “Sounds like this guy helped you. How old is he?”

  She twisted her mouth. “About my age.”

  “Uh-huh. Married?”

  “I don’t think so. He wasn’t wearing a ring.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “Why’d you say it like that?”

  “You looked for a wedding band.”

  She waved hi
m off. “That doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Maybe not, but the way you just rambled on about him, I’d say it does.”

  “No, it doesn’t and I didn’t ramble.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Stop that! Take the milk and go eat your oatmeal. I’ve got work to do.”

  He laughed all the way out onto the porch. “See you later.”

  At eleven o’clock, she took the last packed box to the garage, when someone rang the bell again. If Mr. Remmus was back, she’d put him to work. Peering through the peephole, her heart flipped. She swung the door wide, jumped into Rico’s arms, and wrapped her legs around his waist. “Oh my God! I’m so glad to see you.” She didn’t give him a chance to answer. Just locked lips with him and hung on.

  A rumble of laughter came from deep in his throat. “Damn, baby, I’ve missed you.”

  She slid her feet to the floor. “I’ve missed you, too, but why are you here?”

  “On my way to California.”

  “Isn’t Lubbock out of the way?”

  “For you, what’s a few more miles?”

  Raynie shoved the door closed, and he pulled her tight against him. She slipped the leather vest from his broad shoulders and unbuttoned his shirt. His dark eyes bore into her, as she ran her hands through his long black hair, kissed the inked cobra’s head peeking above his collar. Within minutes, they were naked on the sofa going at it like two newlyweds. She preferred more foreplay, but he wasn’t into that. He liked to get down to business, and since it’d been a while for her, she wouldn’t complain. No need for sweet talk and false promises. Love, romance, and happy endings were a crock of shit anyway. With him, no expectations, no broken heart.

  Fifteen minutes later, she lay on top of him trying to catch her breath. “Oh man, I needed that.”

  “I’d say so.”

  He chuckled again, and she thought how much she’d missed hearing his laughter and everything else. “Why California?”

  He trailed his fingers up and down her spine sending shivers everywhere.

  “Sold the shop. Headed to Bakersfield to go into business with my brother.”

  Raynie sat up. “Oh, so this is a goodbye visit.”

  “Fraid so, babe. Unless you want to go with me.”

  “Not possible. I’ve got responsibilities.”

  “Yeah. Sorry about your sister. How’re you making it with the kid?”

  “I’m doing okay.”

  Rico stood, pointed to the condom. “What should I do with this?”

  “Bathroom, end of the hall.”

  Inked all over, the man was a walking canvas. As much as she loved tats, his were a bit extreme. The cobra was new. And wicked. Most were. All original designs. Vampires, werewolves, devil, Grim Reaper, skull, to name a few. But the scariest covered his back. A green mermaid sported red eyes, pointed ears, and sharp teeth with an octopus twined around her body as if choking the life out of her. Rico tried to talk Raynie in to adding a fourth image to her collection, but she didn’t want to go overboard.

  He returned and grabbed his boxers and jeans from the carpet and pulled them on. “I’ll be in town until Friday morning, then I’m heading out. I’m at the Motel 6 a few blocks over. Room 118.”

  After he left, Raynie got rid of the evidence in the trash can. Questions about a used condom from a six-year-old was a subject worth avoiding. But releasing all that pent up sexual frustration caused every nerve in Raynie body to hum. By Friday, if she had her way, they’d be vibrating full force.

  JARED SAT UP ON the side of the bed and glanced at Julie. Her long dark hair fanned out on the pillow, her face relaxed in sleep. He never thought she’d take him up on his promise. I’ll give you my dick, but not my heart, but she showed up to collect. Well, this would be the last time.

  He ran his hand over his rough stubble and staggered into the kitchen. While he made coffee, he considered his mistake. He’d been a fool to let her stay again. At first, he’d thought he was in charge of the situation. The fact she’d come back—begging, made him think he had the power, but the truth was, she was already controlling him. Down the hall, he heard his bed partner stir and then she appeared. “Morning.”

  He wanted to wipe off her self-satisfied grin. How could he feel such anger toward her, yet have sex? Easy answer. A willing female shows up with a free offer of something he liked why the hell not? No. That wasn’t it.

  “Last night was wonderful. You may say mean things, but admit it, you still have feelings for me.”

  “No, I don’t. Primal need. That’s all it was, so don’t show up here again.” He was still trying to understand this new side of his personality. Why in hell did he keep screwing a woman he couldn’t stand? Maybe it was that simple. She wanted more and he intended to give her a glimmer of hope, then snuff it out. Well, no more.

  “We’ll see about that.” She moved closer and wrapped her arms around his waist and brought her lips to his.

  He pushed away. “This . . . us . . . a big mistake. I took advantage of a situation and shouldn’t have.”

  “You loved me once and I know you can again. All you have to do is forgive me for leaving. I messed up, but I’ve learned my lesson.”

  “That’s just it. I have forgiven you and still don’t want you back. I feel nothing for you but contempt.”

  She backed away and eyed him. “So, all the sex has been what—grudge fucks?”

  “Yeah.”

  Her shoulders rose and fell with a heavy sigh. “Well, I’ll leave for now, but Lubbock isn’t so big that we won’t run into each other if you still frequent the same old haunts. After you’ve had a while to think about it, you’ll realize this wasn’t wrong.”

  “No. I won’t.”

  As the tail-lights on Julie’s car disappeared from view, Jace’s van pulled into the drive. Jared waited until his brother went through his routine. Swiveled, transferred, rolled to the back of the vehicle, then lowered his chair to the ground. Jared marveled at how easy Jace made it look.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Better question, was that Julie I saw leaving?”

  Jared took a deep breath and stepped back for Jace to roll past. “Yeah, but it’s not what you think.”

  Jace wheeled in and spun around. “Really? It’s seven-thirty in the morning and I’m thinking she spent the night.”

  Jared held up a cup. “Coffee?”

  “No. You sleep with her or not?”

  “You of all people should understand when a man gets a booty call, he’ll act on it.”

  “That’s all it was?”

  “Yeah. Now, what are you doing here?”

  “What’s going on with the mysterious nooner?”

  “Damn. Why does Mom want to get in the middle of my business? I told her it’s no big deal.”

  “She thinks it is. Said you marked off two hours every day this week to meet this woman. Why did Mom find out before I did? And what the hell? You’re doing her at noon and Julie at night? That sounds like stuff I used to do. Not you.”

  By the time Jared finished telling the story, Jace laughed so hard he had to set the brake on his wheelchair. He caught his breath, then stuck out his palms. “Well, just one thing left to do. Let’s join hands and pray.”

  “Funny. Real funny. Glad you’re enjoying this because I’m not. A bad decision already has the potential of becoming a huge problem.”

  “Oh, I’m loving this. My straight laced uptight big bro has fallen into my old ways of juggling women. But I think you’ve surpassed anything I ever did. You’ve sent one away who loves you. Slept with one you hate, and this last part is the best. Let’s see what should I call you? Pastor of Disaster. Clergy of Catastrophe? Minister of Misfortune? Wait, I’ve got it. You’re hoping for some Divine intervention of the missionary kind.”

  Getting to know someone is like investigating a crime scene

  where the culprit is constantly allowed to rearrange the evidence.

  ~Adnan Mithanir />
  JOKING OR NOT, Jace had a valid point. Jared might not be a saint, but he never lied. Until now. Julie. Beth. Both women brought out a dark side he didn’t know existed. Now that they were finally out of his life, the only thing left to fix was the situation with Raynie. He rehearsed his confession, but couldn’t come up with a good way to lead into it. He didn’t know her well enough to trust she’d find it funny or silly or devious. If only he’d corrected the mistake from the beginning.

  In his favor, she had no friends in Lubbock, and he could give her that. Someone to confide in with no strings attached. So even though guilt ate at him, for now, the lie seemed harmless enough.

  He arrived at the café early and claimed the same booth as the day before. When she walked in, his spirit lifted. Wearing a pair of ragged jeans and off–the-shoulder blouse, today, she’d committed to one hair style. A braid pulled to the side skimmed bare skin. The bounce in her step showed she was in a better mood.

  “Hey, padre.”

  “You’re happier today.”

  “An old friend from home stopped by.”

  Jared wanted to ask if the visitor was male or female, but figured it was none of his business, so he let it pass. He picked up the menu and peered over the top. “You look nice.”

  “Thanks. You, too. What are you having?”

  “Green chili cheese enchiladas.”

  Like yesterday, bracelets circled both her wrists, and clanged as she gestured with her hands. “Ooh, those sound good. Would you mind if I had a margarita?”

  “Not at all. I recommend the Prickly Pear. It’s delicious.”

  The waitress stepped to the table and after taking their orders, retreated.

  Jared focused on his lunch date again. “One day we should save room for a chocolate brownie sundae.”

  “We could share one?”

  His gaze drifted from green eyes hooded by long, thick lashes, to her full lips. She was so beautiful, he bet she’d broken more than her share of hearts. Delicate features contradicted her claim as a badass. He couldn’t imagine anyone so petite and fragile being tough. “I’m up for it if you are.”