Say You'll Never Love Me Page 4

  She wished to clear her head. Get out of there. Go for a walk. Man, what she’d give to get drunk and forget her troubles for a while, but she couldn’t because in three hours she’d pick up Silbie. She stuck the phone back in her pocket, hurried to the kitchen and grabbed the house key, then flipped the latch behind her.

  Mr. Remmus might know something, but his car was gone. Ridiculous notion. Celeste would never cry on an old man’s shoulder.

  Thankful today the wind wasn’t strong enough to stir dust, Raynie headed south with no idea of where she was going. She needed to leave that house with all its secrets and lies and the pretend life Celeste and Evan shared.

  The sound of a jackhammer shook her from her worries, and she noticed her surroundings. Construction workers were busy adding a section to the Episcopal Church. She gave attention to the parking area. A man loaded boxes into the backseat of his crew cab pickup truck. When he closed the door, she saw the marker, Associate minister, J. Sloane. “Father?”

  He spoke over his shoulder. “Sorry, but I’m not . . .” He turned. Paused. His gaze drifted over her. “How may I help you?”

  He wasn’t what Raynie expected. Weren’t ministers supposed to be older, fatter, and balder? This guy appeared to be about her age, and gorgeous. Dark hair, brilliant blue eyes, and when he smiled, dimples deepened like sugar down a funnel. Not dressed like a preacher should either. He wore jeans and cowboy boots. Silly her. What did she expect from a west Texas town with nothing but farmers and cowboys? “I was wondering what support groups your church offers.”

  He fished keys from his pocket, but continued to keep his eyes on her. “What kind do you need?”

  “New mother.”

  Raising his brows, he eyed her from top to bottom. Not in a sexual way, but more as if judging her appearance. She’d not put on makeup, and her hair, well he’d probably never seen straight, crimped, and braided combined.

  “That’s okay. I see you’re about to leave. I’m sorry I interrupted.” She turned to go, but he stepped forward.

  “No bother.” He scanned the area. “So you’re a new mother?”

  Facing him again, she shook her head. “No. Yes. No.”

  Now he pulled his brows together. “Is it multiple choice?” And there were his dimples again.

  Why was she so nervous? Must be his profession. She swallowed hard. Who was she kidding? Preachers needed her type. Sinner deluxe.

  “No children of my own, but I recently became guardian to a six-year-old. I thought my sister had the perfect life, and today, learned it was anything but that. I’m a mess right now and don’t know what to do.” She flapped her hand in the air. “I should work this out on my own.”

  He moved two steps closer. “Are you unable to discuss this with your husband?”

  “No husband. No boyfriend. Nobody. I don’t even live here.”

  He offered a handshake. “I’m Jared.”

  “Just Jared? No Father Sloane or Father Jared?”

  “No. I was about to go down the street to Caprock Cafe. Why don’t you join me and we can talk.”

  There was kindness in his voice. Surely a tone he’d practiced to offer sympathy and understanding to parishioners. She slid her palm into his. Warm and soft. Clearly he didn’t do physical labor, but he must work out. What else could explain the broad shoulders and the way his butt filled out those jeans. Holy crap. She shouldn’t be looking at his body parts or the shape they were in. “Okay, I’m Raynie.”

  He held the door for her, and she climbed in his truck. He walked around and slid behind the wheel, then started the engine. “So where are you from?”

  “Austin.”

  “Hmm. Nice city. How long you been here?”

  “Two weeks. I’m staying until the end of the school term. I thought a move this soon might be too traumatic for my niece.”

  The café came into view, and he parked near the entrance. Raynie got out before he did and met him at the front of the truck. Inside the eatery, every stool, occupied. Conversations hummed. Waitresses in black aprons worked behind a long wooden counter like ants gathering food for the winter. Jared pointed to a corner booth. “How about that one? It’ll give us privacy.”

  She nodded and headed in that direction. Once seated, he opened the menu. “You want something to eat? I’ve not had lunch.”

  She panicked. No money. No purse. But she’d not eaten either.

  He peered over the folder. “My treat.”

  “In that case, sure.”

  “Great. I hate to eat alone.”

  Raynie wondered what made a guy who looked like this go into the ministry. Harrowing experience? Family tradition? Low testosterone?

  The waitress came for their orders taking Raynie from her daydream.

  When the server walked away, the padre rested his arms on the table. “So why are you a mess?”

  “I can’t understand why she died. Celeste was the good one.”

  “Compared to who—you?”

  She nodded.

  “So, you’re bad?”

  Another nod.

  “And why is that?”

  “The short version? Two arrests. Two divorces. A penchant for bad boys.”

  He chuckled. “You didn’t kill anybody, did you?”

  “Public intoxication back in college.”

  “Well, none of those things make you a bad person. We all make mistakes, especially in college.”

  She wondered what trouble the good father had gotten into. Something really bad like staying out past curfew. Or was he wild before he converted? She’d like to have known him then. Lord. What was wrong with her? She had enough on her plate without wicked fantasies.

  She leaned forward and threaded her fingers together. She should give him the long version. “I know I’m not a horrible person. But today I discovered Celeste’s marriage was on the rocks and now she and Evan are dead. A friend said the craziest thing. That God took them to avoid divorce. Do you think that’s true?”

  “I think we interpret things to fit our needs.”

  He looked as if he might say more, but the waitress returned with their drinks. Once alone again, Raynie went back to the conversation. “I’ve had this child put in my care, and I’m no good at it.”

  “You’re asking for advice, so I’d say you’re not giving yourself enough credit.”

  Raynie took a sip. “You know what I hate most? The constant uncertainty. I’m a strong independent business owner. Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you I’m self-assured to the point of being a smart-ass. Oh, sorry. I’ll watch my language.”

  She waited to be scolded, but instead, he smiled, those deep cheek dents distracting her. She glanced away. “But in my current circumstance, I doubt everything I say and do. I’m so afraid it will be the wrong thing and Silbie will suffer because of it.”

  The food came, and Raynie didn’t say anything else, just concentrated on eating, and he did the same. He wasn’t like any clergy she’d ever met. She expected him to sermonize, but he didn’t. Mostly listened.

  He swigged his tea, then trained his deep blues on hers. “Well, you haven’t complained about your niece being a burden, or having to give up your so-called bad-girl lifestyle. I think you’ll be fine.”

  “You know, padre, I thought you’d be all preachy, but you’re different from any minister I’ve ever met.”

  He double dimpled her. “People forget ministers’ struggle like everyone else.”

  For the next few minutes they fell into another comfortable silence, and Raynie tried to read his expression, but couldn’t. He was so handsome, she wondered why he wasn’t married. The church didn’t prevent it, and first impression said he was a real catch. Oh God. Maybe he was gay. No. Her Gaydar was pretty good, and no alarms had sounded.

  He glanced at his watch. “I have an appointment, so I’ve got to go, but if you’d like to meet here again tomorrow, I’ll put it on my calendar.”

  She shouldn’t agree, but he put h
er at such ease, and she needed adult conversation. But with a hot preacher? “I’d like that.”

  “Okay.”

  She drew a silent breath. How dangerous could it be? She’d bet he didn’t have a tattoo anywhere.

  Lying is done with words and also with silence.

  ~Adrienne Rich

  JARED LAUGHED WHEN he wheeled into the space marked for Father J. Sloane. Except for the spelling, it looked like his own personal spot. What a ridiculous idea. Him, a man of the cloth. Especially after how he’d treated Julie. There’d been nothing sacred about the encounter, instead it’d brought out a cruelty he didn’t know he possessed. And now, he could add liar to his list of sins.

  He’d almost corrected the mistake, but when he saw Raynie, the words tripped on his tongue. Perhaps it was the sunshine bathing her in an amber glow, or the wind floating strands of hair about her face. Or how the fringe circling the hem of her sheer top swished as she walked. Whatever it was unnerved him for a split second and left the truth hanging in silence.

  She’d looked lost. He thought he’d give her directions and never see her again. The fact he wasn’t a preacher wouldn’t matter. But now it did, and he faced a dilemma. Confess tomorrow and come across as a player willing to use the Almighty for picking up women, or keep quiet until she left town. It’d only be a few weeks. What could it hurt? She needed someone to talk to, and he needed . . . what? Not obsessive Beth. And not a selfish woman like Julie, for damn sure.

  Nope. Raynie was like a shiny new bike, the first day of summer, and the start of football season all rolled into one. She’d already proved her willingness to put her life on hold and do what was best for her niece. The woman had every right to be resentful, but she wasn’t. He liked that—and the way her bracelets clanged with the frenetic movement of her hands when she talked. How the corner of her mouth quirked up when she’d said smart ass and apologized. Didn’t matter she couldn’t decide on one hairstyle. She had a lot going on there, but he liked it, too. As far as first impressions went, he liked everything about her.

  A platonic relationship would be good for him. A woman who could wipe the blackboard clean and restore his faith in the female gender. If he bought into what he’d said to her, about interpreting situations to fit our needs, the parking space, the lie, the meeting, was fate bringing two people together at the right time. Yeah. That had to be it, and it got him off the hook.

  By the time he got back to the office, it was almost two o’clock. As he brought his truck to a stop, across the lot, Mom’s car glistened in the sun like a warning sign. She was there to get a full report on the breakup. He hoped she didn’t know about Julie being in town. No need to put it off, he got out and removed the box from the backseat, balanced it against his hip and strolled inside.

  Cheryl raised her head and peeped over the top of her glasses. “Your meeting took longer than I thought. Did the parish building committee have issues with something?”

  No sign of Mom. Good. Must be back in Dad’s office. “No. I stopped to eat. Which reminds me. For the rest of the week, don’t schedule appointments between noon and two.” He was assuming a lot. Raynie might not want daily meetings, but he wanted to be available, just in case.

  “Why not?”

  At the sound of the question, his luck ran out. Jared faced his mother standing in the hall doorway. Now another problem. Lie to keep her out of his business or tell the truth? He decided on something in between. “An acquaintance from out of town is visiting. May want to have lunch every day.”

  Mom widened her eyes. “Uh-huh. Who is she?”

  Damn Mother intuition. She could read more into a simple statement than anyone. “What makes you think it’s a woman?”

  “If it was a man friend, you’d be having drinks after work at some sports bar. So did this acquaintance influence your breakup?”

  Cheryl stopped typing and gave her full attention to the exchange. Man, how he’d love to say mind your own business and get away with it. But that wasn’t happening. Not with Mom. Both women stared . . . waited. Were they even breathing?

  “Okay. You’re right, and no, she had nothing to do with me and Beth, but that’s all you’re getting. So drop it.”

  Mom moved closer to the secretary, probably to establish a united front. Jared smiled. He knew her strategies, but she could kiss the girl-power crap goodbye. Chances were, he’d see Raynie once more. Even he wanted, she couldn’t be a love interest, living so far away with a business to run. He wondered what kind. Hair salon? She had enough going on in that department. Dress shop? Definitely into fashion.

  Mom didn’t give up. “I’ll drop it for now. But I’d love to meet her. Bring her one night for dinner. I’ll invite Jace, Maggie, and the girls, too.”

  He held up his hand. “You’re making too much of this.”

  “Okay, but the invitation stands. Your choice.”

  “Thanks, I’ll keep it in mind.” He turned to go, but she stopped him with another question.

  “Oh, did your dad mention hiring a part-time person?”

  “Yeah. It’s on my to-do list. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get some work done.”

  Back at his desk, Jared got into the swing of things. He loved puzzles and designing was like that. Take ideas and fit them together so everything worked. He prided himself in combining both function and desire. And the thrill of furnishing 3D models, allowed customers to experience and embrace his concept before construction.

  He glanced out the window into the backyard. Bright red and yellow tulips swayed while the swift breeze caused draping boughs on the two globe willow trees to twist and turn like ribbons. Every time he saw them, they reminded him how much he loved the variety. Fast growers, and beautiful.

  He added them to the project list, saved the info, and closed the file. Out of his current five constructions, two remodels, and three commercial projects, odds were, one would want him to arrange landscaping. Business was good. If only he could say the same about his personal life.

  His new friend came to mind again. Two deaths at once. Must have been a car wreck. He placed his fingers back on the keyboard. What were their names? Celeste and something. Edward. Ethan. Evan. Yeah. He typed the query in the search bar, and a news article from almost three weeks ago appeared.

  A Lubbock husband and wife were killed in a crash involving an eighteen-wheeler Monday afternoon. DPS State Trooper said the truck driver, John Henderson, 58, of Alabama, veered into the adjoining lane where the back of the truck’s trailer struck the front of a 2012 Mazda Miata MX-5.

  The driver of the car, Evan Collins, 39, and his wife, Celestial Collins, 38, both Lubbock residents, were pronounced dead at the scene.

  Henderson was taken to the hospital with minor injuries.

  As standard procedure, DPS troopers are continuing to investigate the cause of the crash.

  A pang of sadness stabbed him. He didn’t know the couple and just met Raynie, but the grief she suffered resonated with him. He’d not lost a sibling, but when Jace had his accident, Jared remembered how accepting his brother would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair had brought on guilt. Silly. Not Jared’s fault, but he felt terrible he could still walk, while Jace never would again.

  Given Raynie’s opinion of herself, she must wonder why her sister died, leaving a child, instead of Raynie. Death always left questions when someone so young passed. Everything he’d read said it helped to talk things out and he could do that for her. Not advise her because that’d be unethical. But, he had those two summers in high school where he’d served as counselor at Camp La Junta. He chuckled. Helping twelve-and-thirteen-year-old boys’ fish and zip-line didn’t improve his pastoral resume.

  First, he typed in Evan’s name. Got his address, then pulled up Google Maps. Within a few seconds, he had a picture of where Raynie was living. Good neighborhood. He figured as much because it was in walking distance of the church and café, and she’d insisted on walking back home, even though he
offered to drive her. Said the fresh air would do her good.

  His phone buzzed, and when he answered, Cheryl spoke in a whisper. “Beth Ann is in the parking lot. Should I say you’re not here?”

  Jared stiffened. There’d be no avoiding her, and he should explain about Julie. The last thing he wanted was for Beth to think he’d dumped her for an ex. It might feed her cra-cra gene. “No. If she asks for me, send her back.”

  He heard the click of her heels on the marble tile before she ever got to his door. Taking a deep breath, he watched until she appeared and didn’t wait for her to speak.

  “Come in.”

  “Thank you. I wasn’t sure you’d see me.”

  He gestured at one of the two client chairs and she sat. “I’m not mad at you, Beth. I’m glad you stopped by. I didn’t want to leave things the way we left them last night.”

  She opened her mouth to say something, but he raised his hand again. “No, let me finish. I told the truth about Julie.” But I’ve been lying plenty since then. “That’s the first time I’d seen her, and we are not back together and won’t be. But that doesn’t change things between you and me.”

  She leaned forward, rested her arms on the desk, and laced her fingers together. Her eyes were puffy, probably from crying or not sleeping, and he hated causing it, but there was no future with her and never would be.

  “That’s a relief. Well, the Julie part, not the us part. I’ll wait. I want more because I love you, but I won’t push. Just give us a chance.”

  Tears spilled onto her cheeks and Jared felt like the worst person on the planet. He wished there were magic words to let someone down easily, but no matter how you said, ‘I don’t love you,’ it always hurt. Years ago, the same sentiment had ripped his heart out and stripped him raw, and now, he was about to do the same thing. But he couldn’t back out. It’d taken a while to see the crazy streak in Beth, but it was there, so he needed to be firm. He grabbed a tissue and offered it.